


Disney on Ice

by KalteHerz



Series: Twisted Disney [1]
Category: Cinderella (Fairy Tale), Frozen (2013), Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937), Three Little Pigs (Fairy Tale)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Random - Freeform, Twisted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 19:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3459230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalteHerz/pseuds/KalteHerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A twisted vesion of Disney</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disney on Ice

**Author's Note:**

> So my cousin and I have been twisting fairy tales and stories since we were six. We would kill off characters, make them completly OOC and do anything we could to mess them up. Not many people have seen our work so be proud someone has actually read it. The idea from this came when my brother accidentally said "Cinderella and the Seven Dwarves" and this is what it became. Enjoy

Teeth and blood flew everywhere as the three little pigs and the seven dwarfs clashed. The feud had been going on for days. It had started when one of the dwarfs had stolen the chippie pig’s supply. The pigs all grouped up, loaded up with guns, knives and a box of popcorn and blew up the dwarfs mine. It had been done with a carefully placed fire starter in a ham and cheese roll coincidently next to a tin barrel packed with C4. A scream erupted from one of the pigs; a dwarf was attempting to have a mid-fight meal. The pig punched his jaw, dislocating it and dropped a grenade down its throat blowing the dwarf several feet in the air. The dwarf exhaled black smoke through his ears and coughed then got back to the fight. A pickaxe came flying through the air missing the farmer pig (straw specialist) by centimetres pinning his little red bow tie to a tree trunk. More blood and teeth flew and bullets whizzed past blowing chips of wood everywhere.  
“Everybody!” the lumber pig exclaimed. Everyone stopped.  
“What?”  
“Our ACME fastrack delivery has arrived,” He yelled in excitement.  
“Oh goodie” the dwarfs said as they unloaded the giant wooden crate consisting of ammunition, grenades, popcorn, missiles, and more bombs.  
“Stoooooooooop” a woman yelled.

~~~~~~~~

Everyone turned to face the voice. It was Cinderella. Her beauty, stopping everyone in their tracks. She was wearing her trademark sky blue dress.  
“Someone,” she said viciously “has gotten blood on my shoe.” She tore her dress of revealing a tight fitting Lara Croft style outfit including many gun and ammunition straps. She dived at the pigs fly kicking one in the head as she flipped and slammed a giant hammer into one of the dwarfs head flattening it pancake style.  
“Woah woah woahhhh!” the pigs screamed.  
“What!” Cindy sighed, “I was just getting into my jam.”  
“What are you doing” Grumpy the dwarf squealed  
She sighed again, helped the fallen pig to his feet grabbed the other dwarfs thumb blowing into it popping the head back into shape.  
“I was sent here to investigate what started this fight” she replied  
“Yeah” Sniffy said  
“So what happened?” she asked  
“Well back in the day...wibblewobble wibblewobble_”  
“No no no no no cut to the chase”  
“He stole my ice!” the chippie pig pointed to Snotty the dwarf and the brawl started again.

~~~~~~~~~

The huntsman paced back and forward. He was so furious, how could a posh assassin fail such a miserably easy task, all she had to do was track down the ice king, but instead she comes back with a heap of ‘hired street fighters’. This could not be more humiliating. He was seriously rethinking his idea to promote her to head assassin after overthrowing Mickey Mouse.  
“What is this” he sighed  
One of the dwarfs started jumping up and down with his hand in the air.  
“Yes...Smelly” the huntsmen said half face-palming “What is it?"  
“Tinkerbell is the ice queen,” He blurted. A fist came out of nowhere smashing into Smelly  
“Idiot” the dwarfs all yelled, “We agreed to not tell him!”  
“Wait Tinkerbell?” the Huntsman said in disbelief.  
“Yep,” the dwarfs and pigs agreed reluctantly  
“Hang on a sec... ice as in freezer ice or illicit, heavy knock yourself out drugs.”  
“Not the freezer ice,” the lumber pig said.  
“She was blessed by Elsa last week apparently,” Cinderella said.  
“Wait a minute!” the huntsman frowned. “How did you know I was going to ask about the ice queen?”  
“Cinderella gave us all a briefing on the way here.” piped up Smelly again.  
“Bloody hell Cindy! That could have jeopardised the mission. For all we know they could have escaped!” the huntsman exploded.  
“But they didn’t!” Cinderella proudly stated. They both turn around as the last pig ushers the others through a door and then dives through himself.  
"Why do we have such idiotic prisoners.” Cinderella sighed (She was very good at sighing). “That door lead straight to the prison cells." She walked over and bolted the door shut.  
“We need to find the ice queen and fast. Her dealing days are over.” the huntsman said  
“Soooo...what do you want me to do?”  
“FIND HER!”

~~~~~~~

 

The carriage bumped along the rough road. Tinkerbell’s town was up ahead, she lived in 37 Never drive. The carriage went over a bump and the wheels flipped inside out and the carriage folded in on itself revealing a fully equipped battle station with built in ACME cannons and a white sonar dish. Cinderella sighed (she was very good at sighing) this was the fifteenth time this had happed. Still three hours to go until she arrived so she pulled into the nearest McDonalds drive though and wound down her window  
“Can I please get a Big Mac with-“ CRACK, CLUNCK, BZZZZZ, CHICK, CHICK, CHICK, CHICK, SNAP, TWANG………………..BAM. The carriage transformed and fired sending the neighbouring KFC sky high blowing bits across the food court. Cinderella flicked an onion ring off her shoulder.  
“Sorry about that” Cindy fake smiled “As I was saying a Big Mac with, fries, sauce, coke, nuggets, sauce, a mcflurry, sauce, apple crumble, sauce aaaaaaaaand a snack pack cos I’m with Jenny Craig”  
The McDonalds takey-order person was still shocked but forced out an answer.  
“Um ah yeah ok”  
“Same for me” the voice came from the passenger seat of the carriage.  
“Ah um alright that will be $84.95”  
“I’m shouting” Cinderella said to Tinkerbell in the passenger seat. She paused a couple of seconds “Hang on…That was Tinkerbell!” But Tinkerbell had already dived out of the carriage and was sprinting towards the car park. Cinderella dived as a cannon ball came whizzing past the building. She looked up only just glimpsing the flash as it hit the gas tank in the petrol station.  
There was a ringing in her ears and everything was white, she could just see flickers of shadows and flame. Flame………..gas station……..Tinkerbell…..get Tinkerbell! Cinderella stumbled to her feet and reached for her bazooka in her back pocket. She could glimpse someone moving… it was her. Cinderella raised her bazooka still stunned and wham! I fired backwards sending Cindy straight at Tinkerbell. She braced for impact and then smashed straight into a car missing her by inches. Tinkerbell stumbled away also blinded from the blast walking straight into a pole then falling into a custom made bear trap.

~~~~~~~~~

Tinkerbelle blinked and opened her eyes. There was a harsh light coming from above, conveniently straight in her face. The room was light grey concrete and on one end there was a mirror.  
There was a knock on the door. Tinkerbell tried to get up but she couldn’t move she looked down at the thick rope that held her in place. The door opened and a doctor walked in.  
“I don’t really know why I knocked. This is our torture room and you are kind of strapped to the chair” he said.  
“What do you want?” Tinkerbelle said.  
“We just want to ask you some questions”  
“You?”  
“We”  
“Who’s wee?”  
“My wee”  
“Your wee”  
“No, our wee”  
“I was wondering why this room smelt salty it’s your wee”  
“No I meant we are going to ask you questions”  
“This is like a proper knock knock joke, I love it” Tinkerbelle said. Cinderella strolled in Who’s doing knock knock jokes?” she questioned.  
“We are “  
“Who’s wee”  
“You’re Wee”  
“No I’m me”  
“No we ar_”  
“Shut up!!!!” the doctor screeched. "I’ve had enough."  
“You or wee ha_” Cinderella started “Nah ok I’m serious now” she said.  
“Good” the doctor said quietly “Now what is your name Tinkerbell”  
“Ummmmmmm”  
“Who do you work for?”  
“I’ll never say!”  
“Get the bush Cindy” he said straight up. They waited a couple of seconds then Cinderella walked in carrying a small bush  
“I picked this up at your place” she said. Tinkerbelle’s face went white  
“Not the bush please!” she whispered  
“Who do you work for?” the man said  
Tinkerbelle gulped  
“No…” Flames started licking the bottom of the bush.  
“I'll never tell you.”  
“Who do you work for? Or the trees going to get it.”  
“Ok! Just put out the tree." she cried. The doctor unzipped his pants and started urinating on the tree.  
“My wee.” he said as the leaves started shrivelling up.  
“Noooooooo!” Tinkerbell screamed “I am the ice queen but I just sell it I don’t make it”  
“Who does?” the doctor who might not actually be a doctor asked whilst still urinating on the bush.  
“Just stop peeing on that tree, aren’t you going to run out?”  
“Nope I just finished my seventh cup of tea. So I should be right for the next…….hour."  
“I work for_” she was cut off by the security alarm echoing through the hall. Cinderella looked out the door and a white, short, fat figure slammed into her taking off her feet behind the door. The Doctor went pale as did Tinkerbell.  
“He is here” she said. A figure walked into the doorway his head obscured by the shadows but body still showing “Hi, I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs"


End file.
